Twice Charmed
by Lithia Sunset
Summary: Katia Meri Ortega, the Nation of Mexico as well as a witch, is moving to hogwarts school of witchcraft and Wizardry as a staff member after a life-altering tragedy. This story begins before Harry Potter comes to school. Warning: Hetalian Humor will be included, but this is no romantic comedy.
1. Lifeline

Chapter 1: Lifeline

Long is the way

And hard, that out of Hell leads up to Light.

- John Milton, Paradise Lost

How could anything live when it had been cleaved in two? The crushing weight of grief left you empty, broken, and limp. Your heart beating seemed useless if there was no one it beat for, your soul felt ragged if your walls crumbled. If you were all that you had, and you lost that in one cruel wrench, left only with a gaping hole in your breast where your heart should be, who, then, were you? What were you to become? Death did not frighten you, nor did you hasten to obtain it. Life seemed barely bearable, yet you would turn away from the knife and smack back the proffered hand.

Katia Ortega sat on the couch in her parlor, sick with mourning, a child's blanket clutched to her heaving chest as she sobbed pitifully. Child's clothes, a violet dress and an outfit for a boy were draped in her lap. She had lost twenty pounds that month alone, her face was thinner, her once lustrous black hair straggled, and her dark brown eyes now stayed red and bloodshot on a regular basis. Someone passing her on the street might have thought her in a bad way, drunk or worse, but the truth was that she was just crushed, utterly crushed.

Dracul and Feliks had both sent her bouquets of flowers which were subsequently tossed in the dustbin. Cecelia admonished her after Rose for not taking care of herself. Toris and Ravis had come by for tea, the visit inevitably ending in a hugging session. Her twin, Fabio, and their sister, Evita, had both stayed by her, upset as well but recovering more quickly. Even for a nation she was bad off, but Katia was simply past caring as she sat numbly encased in bitter melancholia. Her mind that recalled with perfection was lost in the past, miles away, reliving all of that time, all of the time with her beautiful children, Erikur and Rin. Erikur and Rin were not her biological children. She had never given birth, but upon seeing them she knew she had to have them.

1964-

Katia loved children and she loved to travel. It was the combination of the two and her strong sense of justice that delivered her greatest source of happiness. She had been in Italy of all places, when she happened to walk down a market street in a lower income district. She had just passed a meat shop when the door in the back alley banged open and a small boy darted out, a liquor bottle that was hurled out after him smashing against the wall over his head, broken glass flying everywhere. There was a rapid swirl of Italian curses and swears that followed him as he turned and ran up the street. Intrigued and concerned, Katia followed him at a slower pace. Seeing him enter a condemned theater with a sign prohibiting entrance, she waited a moment or so before entering herself.

The halls with their tattered velvet curtains seemed to emanate years neglect and abandonment. She proceeded with caution, not wanting to frighten the child. Walking among the rows, she found a ratty blanket with holes riddling the moth eaten fabric. A sad looking doll lay among the folds. Apparently the boy was not alone.

"You can stop right there."

The voice was surprisingly aggressive coming from such a small person. She turned on her heel. The boy she had followed from the butcher's shop stood in front of her, looking scared but determined, hostility lighting his gaze as he gripped a shard of glass in his hand. He had pale blond hair and gray eyes; the clothes he wore were barely decent. "He sent you, didn't he? He sent you after me! I told him I won't do it! I won't rob that old lady! She was nice to us, she-"

"The butcher didn't send me."

He appeared momentarily surprised before he slit his eyes in suspicion.

"Then why are you here?" he snarled.

"I saw you run out of that shop-what was that for? He wants you to rob some old woman?"

"She has a little bit of money and a necklace and he wanted me to steal that."

"That's horrible. What's your name, anyway?"

"None of your business!" he hissed venomously.

"It is if I make it my business," she said rather calmly. "I am not so rude as to ignore formalities," Katia went on softly. "My name is Katia Meri Ortega."

She sat down in one of the moldy chairs primly, as if at a dinner party.

The boy looked unsure of himself now. "I don't have a mother," he said quietly, lowering the shard. "I suppose that now that you've found me, you'll take away?"

It had not escaped her notice that, though he spoke excellent Italian, he had a noticeable accent.

"I have no intention of forcing anyone into anything," she responded, picking lint off of her skirt. The child visibly relaxed. He tossed the glass into a chair in the opposite row before hesitantly sitting by the curious young woman. "My name is Erikur," he supplied haltingly. "I come from Iceland. My mother and father moved here for a job offer my father got. They were killed by muggers the day after we got here. My mom...she tackled one of them, told me run for it. I-I was never so scared in my life. I went back later and saw-I saw..."

Erikur's voice faltered and broke as he fell into shameless tears. He had sounded older when he spoke, a result of how fast he had to grow up. "I didn't want to live with strangers, so I took to the streets. I ate out of garbage cans and stole. I even begged sometimes. Then that man-Carlisle-he found me. He gave me a job in his shop so long as I obeyed him. He needed another hand and finding me-free labor-made him very happy. He hit me and yelled at me, but he fed me, too. I only ran away today because of that lady. I couldn't do what he asked."

"He can't have fed you well," she remarked, noticing that he was thin and pale. "How old are you?"

"Nine."

"And how old is the little girl?"

He froze and paled, eyes going wide. "There is no one else," he said, clearly lying.

"I saw the blanket and the doll, Erikur," she said gently. The boy sighed in defeat, worrying his lip as he wrung his hands spasmodically. "Her name is Rin," he finally admitted. "She's four. Somehow Carlisle had her, too. I think her mom was an orphan who was left over from the war. She had Rin and died, I remember her. Her name was Kita. He made her work scrubbing floors and such. Her hands would bleed from being raw. I asked him for lotion. He only laughed and slapped me."

Katia's blood boiled at the realization. This poor boy and the other child, the girl...what of her, this Rin? At that moment, a small voice called out Erikur's name, preceded by the pitter-patter of little feet. A four-year-old girl with silky black hair came to stand by the boy, turning to look curiously at Katia, sloe-eyes going wide. "Erikur, who is this?" she asked inquisitively.

"Katia," the young –looking witch supplied. "Would you like to go away from here and live in my house," Katia asked. The little girl opened her mouth as if to answer, but before she could do so, Erikur jumped up. "You said you didn't come to take us away! Did you lie?"

"No, I did not lie to you. I didn't come to take you away originally, but after seeing you, how can I not bring you into my home?"

"Your home?" he spluttered as the little girl clapped. As she watched the children, she didn't miss how the glass in the other chair had shattered at his outburst, or how Rin's hair and eyes seemed to change colors. These were magical children, and they needed a magical guardian, someone to care for them who would know of their specific needs and nurture their abilities. "If you so wish," she answered.

He looked worriedly at the little girl beside him. "You might not want us, Miss, we're…different."

"No different from me," she soothed, shaking her head. She pulled out her wand and produced bubbles and sparks, before transfiguring the chair in front of them into a pig and back. He gasped; although Rin looked happy, she didn't seem surprised. "You see, dear, you're just like me. I am a witch, as is Rin, and you are a wizard. Nothing to be ashamed of, I assure you. Your parents sound like Muggles, so you are a Muggle-born wizard. Rin seems to be a Metamorphagus, an inherited trait among magical families, so she must come from some wizarding line. I don't care a whit about blood status, darling. I hate to see children suffer, and I can already tell the three of us could get along nicely. What do you say?"

The children looked wordlessly at her. Slowly and silently, they nodded.

After threatening the Butcher and finishing her business in Italy, Katia took the children to her home, and to that of her "father", but not before showing her new charges to her brother and sister. The children and she got along famously, and, due to their interests in their new world, she began tutoring them in magical subjects and topics. A few years passed before things started happening.

1970-

She could have never been happier when Erikur got his acceptance letter. Now he was two years away from being of age and it nearly took her breath away. Rin was waiting anxiously for her letter so she could attend Hogwarts as well. Katia had grown worried as the days darkened. There were unexplained deaths and disappearances, and news of attacks. Mostly on Muggle-borns and Muggles, but the occasional squib, too. She was at a loss. She could no more make Erikur stay with her than she could send him off and not know what became of her son. She was in a panic.

What she read in that morning's paper last Thursday had chilled her to the bone. 'The Dark Lord Has Risen' it boldly proclaimed. It seemed that beneath the stirrings, a rebellion had formed. Voldemort was his name, and his followers proudly proclaimed themselves as Death Eaters. She was sitting at her kitchen table at dawn, and she jumped when a thumping started at the window. Looking up, she saw that it was a Screech owl with a letter clamped firmly in its beak. It was a letter from her mortal friend, Jaemes. After scanning it quickly, she threw it onto the table. His wife of two years, Gabriela, had given birth to a son, Enrique; they had made she, Katia, Godmother to the boy. Smiling, she penned a swift reply. As the days went by, things only got worse. Gabriela's cousin, Renata, disappeared. The Ministry was in disarray as it attempted to hold together order and stand strong while also keeping the Muggles ignorant.

Katia was sick of it. After two separate attempts on the lives of Gabriela and Jaemes, she began sifting for resistance. Coming to a decision, she apparated to Hogsmeade with her two children safely at Evita's with Gabriela, Jaemes, and their son. She strode purposefully into the owelry, scratched out a note, and sent her owl off. She didn't have to wait in the Three Broomsticks long before the one she had called swept in, eyes scanning the nearly vacant room before landing on her. The man was tall and thin, with a crooked nose, long, silvery hair and beard, fey blue eyes, and half-moon spectacles. Albus Dumbledore was across the room in four strides. He looked down at her over his spectacles as he sat down. "You are Miss Ortega, I presume?"

Katia nodded, unable to smile. "We need to talk, Headmaster." She brought her wand out and with a flick cast a silencing charm over them, wards flying into place out of habit. His eyes twinkled. "This may not be the safest place..."

"I don't care. What I have to say, _he_ can know. It makes no difference. If I may be so bold, Albus, I know about your organization. I have ties everywhere, and when word reached my ear...I want to join you. I want to _fight_. I want to protect my family, Albus, and you can help me do it."

He regarded her silently, fingers templed before him. His eyes traveled over her from head to foot. Finally, he spoke. "Surely you realize that at present, you would not be threatened."

"No? Well what of when his reach exceeds Europe? I want to stop him in his tracks before he has the opportunity to make the choice of conquering other lands. Even in the Americas, there are whispers, and he has supporters everywhere. The Wizarding world is agitated, unhindered by continental borders or ocean. He will come, he will rise, and if I sit back and do nothing, he will seize control."

"You, of course, are quite right. I have founded a group in retaliation of what he has done. It has been named The Order of the Phoenix. As I understand, you wish to be a part of this movement?"

He paused for conformation before continuing, the steely glint in her eyes speaking for her.

"It is very dangerous work, Miss Ortega. You will face life or death situations on a daily basis. This may be for you family's protection, but it will also place all of your lives in jeopardy. Are you willing to take the risk and pledge your loyalty to the cause?"

Her brown eyes bore into him steadily as he eyed her patiently, serious to the bone. Locking her gaze with his, she said flatly, voice like the edge of a sword, "As you and God as my witness, I solemnly swear that I am willing to lie, cheat, steal, or even kill to put an end to this and protect the ones I love. I will fight with every breath in my body. So, in answer I tell you: certainly, definitely, absolutely." Her voice did not falter, nor did her determined stare. The older man nodded once. "So be it."

1970's-

True to her word and a fierce warrior, Katia killed more than a few Death Eaters and saved countless lives. After the Ministry gave the decree that permitted anti-Voldemort forces to use Unforgivable Curses, she was in her element. The Nation got a glint in her eyes every time she felled the enemy, and a maniacal air not unlike that of "Papa Spain" when in his conquistador mode. Six times she had evaded capture, earning her the attention of the Dark Lord himself.

Erikur was seventeen now, and he wanted to join the Order. After pleading with him, he gave in and agreed to watch over the growing Rin and Enrique, along with Jaemes and Gabriela. She had just come from another skirmish, fighting alongside Alice and Frank Longbottom, Fabio, Remus Lupin, the Potters, and Sirius Black and arrived at headquarters when Lisbeth Slaughter rushed forward tearfully. "Katia...it's-your house-he went himself-breached the wards...oh, God, Katia, there was so much blood..."

"Get a grip, woman!" Sirius growled, shaking her. "What bloody happened?"

Lisbeth dissolved into tears, pointing. Molly and Arthur were in the hall, solemn and with tears in their eyes. Andromeda and her husband were stone-faced. No one would look her in the eye as she passed. Even Kingsley turned his face away. Choking, she stumbled into the room at the end of the corridor. What she was met with made her utter a blood-curdling scream. Everyone else exchanged somber, teary glances as sobbing commenced. Four bodies lay within atop separate tables, covered with thin sheets up to their collarbones. The smallest was the most heart-wrenching. Rin looked as if she slept, her still glossy hair spread out beside her. On her right lay Erikur, long, light lashes caressing his soft cheek in eternal rest. Gabriela and Jaemes were on his other side, battle scars riddling their prone forms.

She fell onto the bodies of her children in turn, and then those of her friends. She sensed rather than saw the others enter, encroaching on her grief, but she said nothing, instead drawing comfort from the heat and life radiating off of their living bodies. Her anguish was nearly tangible: you breathed it, you tasted in, it lingered in your nostrils, cloying and devious. It was Molly who laid a hand on her shoulder. "Katia-"

"No, leave me! Leave us!" she shrieked hysterically.

"Katia-" Sirius now tried. She turned on him so quickly that she blurred in their sight, a sneer in place as she yelled in a mixture of Spanish and English. He pulled her into a rough hug that she eventually gave in to after pounding at him with her fists. His arms held her as she shook in his embrace.

The room fell silent in respect. Moody stumped in with Dumbledore, his eye swiveling crazily. Wretchedly, Katia peered up at Albus. No one spoke for a minute. Abruptly, she pushed Sirius away and shouldered a path from the room. Albus called to her, but she continued on, apparating from there to see the ruins of the razed safe house. She fell down amidst the charred remains, cinders getting all over her clothes and in her hair.

After the heaves stopped, she stood, heart hard and cold in her breast. A red tint came over her eyes as her murderousness surfaced. Blood for blood, the coldness inside of her thought, hatred consuming her as the innocent Katia vanished. She gripped her wand tightly as she ran a trace, felt the earth's sorrow. The essence of the attackers filled her and she knew she would know them on sight. That night, Katia Ortega unknowingly killed twelve Death Eaters and two sympathizers in a rage. She stumbled home at last, covered in their blood, feeling grimly satisfied. Now here she sat, grieving once more, with no remembrance of slipping into Brunilda, the murderess.

A knock sounded at the door. Katia crept forward and flung the door open, wand in one hand and dagger in the other. A cloaked figure stood on the front porch, large hood drawn to hide his or her face. "It's only me, Kat, now let me in please."

Katia stepped aside to let her sister in, closing the door behind her. Suddenly the blade flashed up to tickle her throat. "How do I know you're Evita?"

"How do I know you're Katia?" she retorted, throwing her hood off and allowing her silky dark hair to flow freely. "You have a birthmark on the sole of your foot," Katia croaked, voice ill-used for the past month or so. "And France gave you a garter for your two-hundredth birthday, for which you slapped him," Evita said, smiling crookedly. The two women embraced each other briefly.

Evita held Katia at arm's length. "He's your godson, Katia. You are his only family now. Please reconsider-"

"No, I won't do it," she flatly refused. "I can't, Evie, not right now..."

"Just see him," the second witch urged. "He cries constantly and I know he cries for you! If only you would come, once-"

"No. I'm sorry, but no."

Evita's hand dropped to her side. She looked weary. "Fine. Deprive the child of love because he reminds you of his parents. I can't keep him. I'll have to give him up-"

"No!" Katia hissed, grabbing her wrists. "You mustn't!"

"Oh, and what must I do? What can I if you will not have him? My hands are tied, Katia."

Katia chewed on her already chapped and bloodied lip. "Bring him to me, then."

Evita smiled weakly. She brought the baby back later that day before departing, satisfied that the right thing was done.

Katia took care of herself for the first time in days. She bathed and ate, washing and combing her long tresses disinterestedly. The baby steadily crept into her heart and made her love him, like a thief in the night. She still ran with the Order, leaving the babe with her sister when she did so. Her hips, waist, and shoulders steadily rounded out smoothly into their old curves, her hair regained its old luster, and she no longer had violet circles under her eyes. The ever-present pallid parlor disappeared and became her usual olive-tone.

News of the Potters going into hiding reached her ears. Not a week after the Fidelius Charm was performed, they were betrayed. Lily and James were murdered, but miraculously, their young son, Harry survived. Katia contemplated the Boy Who Lived as she tucked a nine-year-old Enrique into bed. The loss was shocking and sudden, but even she could feel jubilant that Voldemort was gone. She couldn't bring herself to believe that Sirius was guilty, but she didn't know what had transpired without a story or evidence.

That summer, she got a letter that changed her life.

_Dear Katia,_

_It has come to my attention that you are searching for a job. Here at the castle, I have a new class open, International Languages and Magical Cultures. If you wish, the position is yours. I have not forgotten your war efforts. I send my regards and hope to see you. Send your reply by owl no later than the end of the month. _

_Sincerely,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

Lip curling into a twisted grin at her own dark humor and the irony of fate, she jotted down her response, not knowing what she was getting into.


	2. A New Beginnig

**Chapter 2: A New Beginning  
**

"Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them?"  
Rose Kennedy  
US wife of Joseph Patrick Kennedy Sr. (1890 - 1995)

Katia was yet again in the Three Broomsticks. It had been such a long time. How many years had it been? How many years since _her_ letter had come? She decided that it didn't matter, so she pushed away her sentimental nostalgia. She really had to get a grip.

She swirled her index finger around in her Butterbeer listlessly. She was to be at the front gates in an hour and she wasn't sure if she could take it. Being back here was so foreign and familiar simultaneously.

Enrique would be attending, which made things difficult. Sighing, she left when the time was near, apparating to the gates. It wasn't long before a figure could be seen trundling towards the gates. It turned out to be a giant man in a moleskin coat. His hair and beard were black wires sprouting out of his flesh and his eyes were like pieces of coal.

"You all righ' there, Professor?"  
Already her new title had emerged.  
This was Hagrid, the groundskeeper. He had shown her around the previous week-not that she really needed a tour. She remembered every rock and blade of grass, every hallway and tapestry. How would he know that, though?

He smiled at her as he let her in, bidding her good morning. He prattled on about this and that, which was fine with her. His voice was comforting and the grounds were immense. When the great oak doors came into view, his gait slowed.  
"You'll be all right from here?" he asked her gruffly.  
"Yes, thank you, Hagrid."  
She smiled at him kindly. Katia continued on, stepping up the stone stairs. The doors were unlocked and swung open easily.

Her footsteps echoed faintly in the deserted Entrance Hall. Katia ascended the Grand Staircase with quick, precise steps. Dumbledore would surely be in his office. Breakfast had been long ago, and lunchtime had yet to arrive. Just as she reached the stone gargoyle, it sprang aside and a pale man with greasy black hair wearing flowing black robes stepped off of the spiraling stone stairwell.

He eyed her critically, eyebrow raised. Instead of speaking, he brushed past her. It was his left arm that made the contact, and she shuddered involuntarily and gasped inaudibly. He didn't seem to notice as he continued to glide down the corridor and out of sight.

Katia frowned thoughtfully, pulling on her top lip in contemplation out of habit. Huffing, she muttered the password, Everlasting Jawbreakers, and began the climb. The knocker came into view, but before she could lift it to knock, the door opened, and Dumbledore appeared. He smiled down at her. Her mouth felt limp-she could neither smile nor scowl. It had been years, and the pain had been buried deep. Now as she looked into his old face, and his clever eyes, she didn't know what to make of him, nor he of her. She knew he had to know what she'd done, and he had discovered what she was years ago.

"Albus," she offered experimentally. He paused only a moment, although not out of hesitation. He looked down his crooked nose at her. They shared a long look, a searching look. Her head jerked and he nodded, both having come to some secret understanding.  
"Katia," he carefully greeted, moving aside and opening the door.

She came into the room and glanced around the office. It was much the same as it had been the night she fled Europe so many years ago after her "episode". She remembered how he had frowned at the sight of her dress and robes torn into barely decent rags and bloodied beyond color recognition. He had awoken to sounds in his office, and came down the stairs from the Headmaster's Keep. She had Shadow Stepped, or Nation Walked, and came straight into his office. By the time he was at the bottom of the stairs, she had collapsed into an unconscious heap onto the carpet, breathing raggedly, hair plastered to her sweat-soaked flesh.

He had cleaned her as best he could without being intrusive, and then called Minerva and Poppy. She hadn't remembered much the next mooring, except blacking out after falling into a terrible rage. She went home the next night, and not returned. Until now, that is.

She stood awkwardly in the center of the room, holding one arm by the elbow, licking her lips and letting her eyes rove around curiously. There were a few new silver instruments, and the Portraits were all awake, or pretending to be nodded off, the former looming directly at her, almost expectantly.

She cleared her throat nervously. Dumbledore moved to sit behind his desk, motioning for her to sit across from him. She complied, arranging the folds of her clothes neatly on her legs, crossing them at the ankles. He set his chin on his hands contemplatively. "You've been managing well, I presume?" he asked softly, the lines of his face crinkling tenderly. She nodded, not looking at him, mussing her curls, which immediately fell back into place perfectly. Her fists clenched in her lap and she wrung her hands spasmodically.  
"Yes," she replied sotto voce, barely above a whisper. Her hands moved to a locket around her neck and a ring on the middle finger of her left hand.

"Have you moved on?"  
She didn't answer, choosing to twiddle with her two items. He leaned forward on his desk, propped up by his elbows. "Have you moved on?"

Her dark eyes flitted up to meet his. "I can't forget them."  
His gaze brushed over her sad form.  
"I'm not asking you to forget," he whispered, tears forming into his eyes. "Just to live."  
Katia exhaled loudly. "I don't know if I can."  
"You'll never know if you don't try," he encouraged, and when she tilted her face up to look at him, her jaw clenched.  
"Sometimes, I honestly don't know if I want to. Sometimes, Albus, it hardly seems worth it."

***

Katia was hesitating outside of the doors to the Great Hall. She wasn't sure about meeting the rest of the staff. It wasn't that she didn't know if she'd fit in-it was the fact that only Albus knew her secret, and she still looked the same as she had all those years before. No one really knew how old she was. They assumed she was in her thirties, that she had adopted the children between eighteen and twenty one years of age, raised them, lost them, and then held good those last ten years.

Taking a relaxing breath, she pushed the door open and entered the warmth, chatter, and low clatter.  
At the end of the table nearest the doors sat Hagrid. His black eyes glinted in the candle light. He was having a friendly conversation with a tiny little old wizard on his right. On the tiny wizard's other side sat a stout grey haired witch. On that professor's right was a professor who looked absurdly like a large glittering, dragonfly; her glasses magnified her eyes until they were the size of dinner plates. She had a beaded shawl and scarf wrapped around her thin shoulders and neck. She was in a deep conversation with a kindly looking blonde-haired, blue-eyed witch. A tall, pale, imposing witch with dark hair and dark eyes occupied the chair on her right. The chair beside her was occupied by a stern looking, bespectacled witch whose dark hair was twisted severely into a bun, and Dumbledore sat on the other. On Dumbledore's other side sat the strange man from yesterday. Further along sat a witch with spiky grey hair and yellow eyes. Beside her was an ancient wizard who was conversing with a young witch with a black bob and purple eyes.

She was between the ancient professor and a small, thin, aged witch with a beaky nose and silver curls. At the other end sat a dignified black woman even taller and imposing than the pale witch by the vacant seat. The only vacancy was beside the man all in black.

At first no one noticed her presence, but Dumbledore glanced up, smiling when he saw her and waved for her to sit near him. The quiet chatting stopped as she sat down.  
"Guess I'm a party killer," she remarked lightly.  
"Not at all, not at all," the tiny little man reassured her, waving away her concern. He was Filius Flitwick, the Charms Professor. Katia observed the rest of the table. All were introduced: Pomona Sprout, Sybill Trelawney, Charity Burbage, Septima Vector, Minerva McGonagall, Severus Snape, Yolanda Hooch, Silvanus Kettleburn, Nellie Sedgewick, Bathsheda Babbling and Aurora Sinistra.

Severus Snape...hadn't she heard that name before? She smiled politely and called out a soft greeting to Hagrid. He smiled hugely, swigging from his enormous mug of October Ale.

The others were nice enough, she mused. They didn't corner her and interrogate her. They welcomed her. All except for the scowling Severus Snape seated beside Dumbledore.

There was a pop and a more attractive than normal house elf appeared. Katia stood immediately, a knot of dread in her stomach, nearly knocking over her sparkling water.  
"Señora!" Columbine shrilled distraughtly. "It's happened!"  
Katia straightened and gazed around the table, determined yet apologetic. "If you'll excuse me, I have personal matters to attend to."  
She focused on Albus. "I'll explain later."  
Then she briskly swept over to the elf, taking her hand and vanishing with a crack.

She just hoped she could get there fast enough and not kill when she did.

***

Reality burst in around them in a rush of color and muted sound. She didn't wait for her eyes or ears to adjust, and dammit, her lungs would have to wait too. As soon as she was stable, she broke away from Columbine, leaving the elf to tremble by the front door. Shouts could be herd coming from the grand house she entered, obviously belonging to a wealthy family. The lock was easy; she waved her hand and the talon inside sprang out of her way, seemingly sensing her wrath. "_Mierda_," she muttered, using her wand to blast random items and furniture out of the way. The voices could be heard even more clearly. One was older but not elderly, masculine, and clearly furious. The other was feminine. The remaining two were younger sounding. One, she knew, was her twin brother, Fabio, and the other was his boyfriend, Jasper.  
"-will not have one in my house-"  
"-no son of mine-"  
Katia hissed and walked faster, ruining the hardwood finish and the door in front of her.  
"Oops," she said carelessly, stepping over the half-incinerated melted blob that remained, "how thoughtless of me to use that good of a hex on your shitty, fucking door."  
Four pairs of eyes turned toward her, one pleading, one terrified, and two outraged.  
"Fabio, get in the hallway and stay outside until I come to get you. Jasper, go pack your crap."  
They scurried from the room as quickly as they could. Jasper's father was an unpleasant, portly man with a bulbous nose and a toupee. (She called it a head doily). The wife was average looking, with beady eyes, gaudy jewelry and bloody red lips.  
"You have no right-"  
"Shut _up_ you stupid bloody tosser," Katia growled, the old slang flying to her lips effortlessly. The wife gasped, her little beady eyes glaring maliciously.  
"How dare you, you filthy little-"  
"I believe," Katia cut in icily, "that I was talking. And if anyone is pulling out guilt factors, it's going to be me. For one, no one yells at my brother. Two, what kind of sick, cruel, heartless _bitch_ of a mother casts out her _only_ child for _who he is_, or worse yet, for a man who won't let her think for herself? All of this fucking tartuffery is making me want to vomit. That's not love, it's hate in its most basic forms, and one of the only things to rightfully fear besides fear itself, and true evil. You should be ashamed of yourselves. What the _hell _do you think you're doing? I'm utterly disgusted by you. I want you to know that Jasper is _family_, and from now on he'll be living with Fabio and I, people who _love _and _appreciate_ him and his unique persona."  
The husband began to splutter. "You can't-"  
"Oh," she said, leveling her wand at his Adam's apple, "I think I can. You don't seem to be in any position to make a deal, Philip," she hissed, hacking his name out. "You think you're better because you feel so pure. It kills you to have to think of magical relatives, but it kills you more to think your son might be happy. Well let me tell you something. Suck it up. Suck it up and shit it put and die for all I care."

She stepped back, not lowering her wand until she was back in the hallway, melding into the shadows. She glanced at Fabio and Jasper, disheveled and clutching various packs and suitcases hastily shoved full.  
"Don't forget to close your suck-arse door when we leave," she called. "I mean, what were you, raised in a barn?"

***

Lunch was ending by the time they arrived. She left Fabio and Jasper in the Entrance Hall. Dumbledore and the rest of the staff had yet to rise when she threw the doors open, still apparently radiating fury.  
"Katia, what-"  
"Headmaster, I need to speak with you."  
"I'm sorry to burst your bubble," a voice sneered, "but we were about to have a meeting. Private matters are to be discussed latter."  
Katia didn't need to turn. Her eyes landed on Severus Snape, whose scowl seemed to have deepened. His eyebrows rose. "That is, of course, unless your problems are more important?"  
"Fine then," she said, quite calmly for her state. She bit back the retort forming and worked on curbing her anger. "This is a housing issue. I trust that has enough merit?"  
Her eyes never left him, and he in turn continued to survey her.  
"Well, Severus?" Albus questioned diplomatically, touching his fingertips together.  
"Headmaster, can it not wait? Surely there are more pressing-"  
"I'm sure Katia has a reasonable explanation."  
"I do: I request quarters for family."  
Dumbledore leaned forward, a light frown dancing across his forehead.  
"I was under the impression that the child-"  
"It's not the child. I need emergency housing for family until such a time that I may contact other relatives for assistance. As of now, I have two homeless people in the Entrance Hall. My sister is on a ninety day cruise trip. She is our family. Our father is estranged and our mother is long deceased. My half brothers and sister would have no qualms but they don't know about certain specific details..."  
Snape cut in. "And your house? It cannot be used?"  
She struggled to keep from glowering at him.  
"No, my house is unavailable because of the same reasons they cannot stay with our other relatives."  
"Permission granted."  
"But Headmaster...surely-" he protested.  
"Now that that's out of the way, what other orders of business must be put to rest?"  
"Headmaster, if you could excuse me for a moment?"  
"Of course. Now as I was saying..."

Gradually, everyone turned to the meeting. The last pair of eyes watched her slip through the double doors and walk out of sight, a pair of more-interested-than-usual black eyes. The ears that accompanied the vigil listened to the last strain of her voice until it, too, faded.

***

Katia returned a few minutes later after safely delivering Jasper and Fabio to a Hogwarts Elf. She soundlessly slid into the seat she had been in before and tried not to show that her hands were still trembling.

The meeting soon adjourned and chairs scraped across the stone floor as the departing company murmured farewells. Katia remained seated. She kept waiting for Snape to leave so she could talk to Albus and perhaps walk him to his office. Instead, he continued to sit with the two of them for a moment longer. He looked at her, narrowing his eyes.  
"Aren't you finished yet?" he snapped.  
"What is it, Katia?" Dumbledore inquired softly. She stood, that same wavery expression between a smile and a scowl in place, and went to embrace him.  
He seemed surprised at first.  
"_Desde entonces, solo quisiera que todo quedaba el igual."_  
He sighed and gently placed an arm around her.  
"Don't we all?" he murmured. Snape had yet to move. They were standing, and there he sat, at a loss after seeing their tender moment of grief. She straightened without a tear and swept quietly out.

Dumbledore sighed and looked at Snape.  
"She can't move on."  
"Well, Headmaster, she's not the only one."  
He got up and left Dumbledore to his thoughts.  
"Indeed," he breathed to himself and the empty chamber.

***

Of course Fabio and Jasper could have stayed at her house. The thought came to her as she sat at her worktable in her study. She tugged at a strand of curly hair in frustration. If she was honest with herself, she was the one who needed Fabio close by after what happened, and Hogwarts was the safest place he could be; and of course she was sure the others wouldn't be _quite_ as unreceptive. They'd all gotten into...things...before...

She got up and poured herself some butterbeer. The sweetness was almost unwelcome. Gagging, she set her glass down, tracing the rim with her pinky, and stared out across the grounds through her open window.

A knock sounded at her door. She shuffled to it, the old wood creaking lowly. A pair of red rimmed eyes blinked at her as Fabio cleared his throat. She silently let him in and shut the door. For a half hour she let her twin cry on her shoulder. Then she laid down in her own bed after he left and held herself.


	3. Living For?

**Chapter 3: Living for...?  
**

Five years, four months and two days later...

"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."

-Virginia Woolf

Katia sighed and pushed back from her desk, letting her quill clatter noisily onto the wood. She had a migraine and the quizzes she happened to be grading were blurring in front of her watering eyes. She hated seasonal changing. It irked her and her immune system and her allergies ran rampant every time. It was really nonsensical, with her being what she was, but she reasoned that just because of that it did not make her immune or above that particular struggle.

Fabio and Jasper were getting married, and were currently living with Evie. She knew he couldn't really be hurt all that much but she didn't want any of them alone. They had left some time ago, and the quarters down the hall from hers remained vacant. She missed the quiet visits and the shared time. It had been good for her; before they hadn't been in touch much. Now they were so close it was ridiculous.

Their family took Jasper better than she previously thought they would. In fact, none of their kind had made much of a fuss, the only bad reaction being Francis reliving Joan when he saw how happy they were. She had moved on to teach Pink Magic and Earth Magic, and sometimes she even stepped in to help with Cooking Magic.

There was a knock at her door. "Professor?"  
"I knew I forgot something," she whispered miserably under her breath, rubbing the heels of her hands furiously into her eyes. That Weasley had requested more help. Was it Bill or Charlie? She really hadn't been paying much attention when the request had come at lunch; her head had been throbbing by that time.

"Estoy listo," she called, hiding the weariness in her voice and plastering on a smile. Her class had gone well. The door opened and a lanky, blue eyed redhead came in. His hair was long, pulled into a ponytail with a masculine band, and she could see he'd tried to get his ear pierced again. This was Bill, then. She frowned. She could have sworn that it was not he in her Earth Magic Class, but Charlie. She continually got the boys mixed up for reasons unbeknownst to her, but she knew who attended her class. She just hadn't been sure if Charlie had wanted to see her for himself or if Bill had come- or asked for- Charlie.

"I'm sorry, Professor Ortega, for disturbing you," the eldest Weasley began, "but Charlie couldn't make it. He got a little beaten up at practice. He can play in the match this weekend, but right now he's a little sore. I told him I'd come and explain."  
Katia smiled tiredly. "Well, that's fine, really. I haven't really been feeling myself lately."  
Bill chuckled. "Everyone's noticed, even Snape. Keeps muttering about you getting on with seeing Pomfrey or just -if you'll excuse my reiteration-"asking for a damn potion already"."  
Katia laughed. "Really? I didn't think it was that noticeable. Tell Charlie it's all right and he can come whenever he's up to it."  
Bill shuffled and smoothed his ponytail.  
"All right, but Professor Snape told me to give this to you."  
He fished around in his robes for a moment before finally extricating a vial. "He said this would help."  
He wrinkled his nose and handed it to her, looking as if he felt sorry for her.

She laughed. "Oh, I'm sure he didn't poison me."  
Bill laughed nervously. "All right then..."  
He made his exit and closed the door softly. Katia slumped against her desk, eyeing the vial in her hand. She took her wand out and tapped it against the glass, checking for tampering or toxins. When it checked out, she broke the carefully applied seal and sniffed. It looked okay, and it certainly _smelled_ okay, so she downed it and discarded the empty vial.

She woke up past dinner, creaky and sore from being draped across her chair. She blinked her eyes dazedly and stumbled into her quarters. Her eyes looked glassy in the mirror and her black hair was sticking to the side of her face. Her migraine was gone. She checked her nose, eyes, throat and skin. Gone, gone was every symptom. She felt wonderful and free in a way she never did at season change. She straightened herself up with a bit more vigor and summoned Columbine.  
"Yes Miss?" she squeaked.  
"Would you mind making some tea for me and bringing me a muffin or two? I missed dinner."  
"Of course, Miss! Columbine is on it!"  
She disappeared, to the kitchens presumably, perhaps bringing a full meal regardless. Katia smiled softly to herself. Columbine really was sweet, and they always treated each other with care and respect.

Columbine popped back up a few minutes later with the two muffins and a small tray. Katia took it and placed it on her desk.  
"Would you like some?"  
"Only if Columbine's Mistress is wanting her to eat."  
They shared the food there in companionable silence.  
"Thank you, for being such good company."  
The elf blushed and squealed a goodnight as she vanished.

Chuckling, Katia got up and sat at her writing desk.

_Dear Severus, thank you for the potion. It worked to perfection. I do hope it's long-lasting. I was wondering what you did to poor Bill Weasley, as he seemed rather worried. Thank you, again, for both time lost and consideration._

Your Colleague,  
Katia Ortega

"Please deliver that when one of you finds the time," she said quietly, still exhausted, as she climbed onto her bed and fell into sleep again. Little hands acquired her note of thanks and bore it along its way.

***

She was groggy until she had had her shower and morning shot of caffeine before going down to breakfast. The table was much fuller now, with teachers to fill all of the positions for classes that had been desired for years.

Cecilia Moretti (Sicily) taught Cooking Magic with Feliciano and Romano and Muggle History with Rose Murphy (Northern Ireland). Rose taught Art and Art History. Feliciano taught Muggle Art with Charity Burbage. Romano helped Flitwick direct the Frog Choir and taught Music Theory with Flitwick, Katherine "Kat" Baker and Curran Kettle, who all directed the Orchestra without him. Kettle and Baker taught Music together. Burbage taught Muggle Music, as well. Arthur taught Ancient studies, and Dracul "Roro" taught Magical Theory, Ghoul Studies and Necromancy with him. Nellie Sedgewick was gone, and until there was someone willing to fill the position, Arthur and Dracul would alternate years.

They were all at the Head Table, sprinkled among their mortal colleagues, chattering away. Even red eyes, fangs, strange eyebrows and other features went unnoticed here. They all seemed to belong in some way or another at Hogwarts. Wy and Kugelmugel would have come, too, if they didn't look younger than the students.

She came to a stop and scanned down the line for an empty seat. Cecilia turned from her conversation with Curran and Kat to spare her an apologetic glance. "Sorry. We're all full on this end today."  
She meant it. They all usually sat together, and when they didn't, she would end up beside Aurora Sinistra or Septima Vector, Flitwick or Charity Burbage, and Minerva on rare occasions.

"That's all right, CeCe," she said. She sucked on her front teeth and darted her eyes around again.  
"There's a seat over here, Katia," a familiar voice, too cheerful and chipper for that time of day-at least in her opinion-called. Her head shot up, discovering Albus beaming at her like one elementary schoolchild beams at another in the cafeteria. She straightened and walked over to where he indicated. She never got to sit by him anymore.

This morning, though, there were two vacant seats on his left. Once seated, Katia cleared her throat and buttered some toast.  
"Could you pass me the blueberry jam, Albus?"  
"Of course."  
He let his eyes sweep over his beloved charges for a moment before turning to her.  
"So how have you been? I hear time does wondrous things for almost anything."  
The hand spreading the thick blue goo over her toast froze momentarily, slowly resuming its task. So this was what it all came down to. He had left her alone to get over herself until he deemed she had changed.

"These past few years, you've been observing me, testing me-"  
"More like waiting patiently for your wounds to heal a little, Katia," he interrupted gently. He put his hand on hers only for a moment. She curled her fingers over the scar on her palm.  
"Some scars never go away. And sometimes they open back up."  
"And some, if allowed, may fade."  
They were both speaking quietly then, so quietly that no one could have heard them even in a lull of conversation. A third voice broke into their conversation.  
"I see that you took it."  
They both shifted their faces upward and moved their heads apart.  
"Ah, Severus," Dumbledore greeted. "Why don't you join us?"  
He sneered. "I don't really have a choice, do I?"  
Dumbledore chuckled. Severus Snape's black eyes glittered as they focused on Katia.  
"You really shouldn't trust someone you barely know so _explicitly_."  
"I had my reassurances," she dismissed casually, taking the time to pause and sip her tea. His eyes glinted as if he knew she'd tested it just to be sure.  
"I'm glad you were feeling more..._generous_, for once," Albus complemented. The Potions Master sneered and sat down.

Both men stared as she took, of all things, popcorn from a platter and sprinkled cinnamon on it. Dumbledore graced her with a soft smile, then turned to Minerva. Severus merely continued to stare as she popped morsel after strange morsel into her mouth.  
"You know, it's not polite to stare," she mumbled after one uncomfortable minute. He snorted and began to serve himself.

"Well, it's not _normal_ to see something like _that_ anywhere."  
"If any of us were mundane, would we be here at all?"  
"I suppose not."  
Neither one of them spoke for a minute or so. She swallowed the last of her popcorn and moved to take some bacon when he suddenly swore beside her. She turned hastily. A shallow cut glistened across his fingers.

He'd been trying to carve a slice of ham, and his hand had apparently slipped. He tried to use his opposite hand to fish his wand out unsuccessfully. More colorful vocabulary slipped out as he struggled. Katia drew her own and took his hand between hers. He immediately tried to jerk free from her grasp.  
"What do you think-"  
"Let me help you," she said quietly between them. "You're making a scene _and_ a mess at the same time."

His skin was softer than she thought it would be for a Potions Master, and the nails and cuticles surprisingly clean, if stained. His knuckles and fingertips were calloused, and silvery white scars traced the flesh of his hands, continuing to spiral around his wrists to disappear underneath his long sleeves.

He stopped trying to wrench away and instead chose to watch her work as she pointed the tip of her wand at the wound to clean and heal it. She muttered a soft incantation and soothed not only the obvious wound, but other areas of his hand. His scars grew fainter and the cut closed up, taking a few callouses with it.

As soon as she finished he pulled away from her and stared at the adjustments for a moment. He slid his gaze up to hers.  
"Not unimpressive handiwork. A bit of Pink Magic I presume?"  
"Was it that obvious?" she said softly. He opened his mouth to reply when the general clatter and chatter reached a crescendo and then faded. The students were filing out. The staff sat for a few minutes, finishing last bites and ending conversations until it was obvious they had to leave. The table was emptying more quickly and still they sat quietly. She didn't know why, but suddenly she blurted randomly, "Would you like to try some?"  
"Pink Magic, you mean?" His brows rose. "Don't you know what Arts I'm known for, Miss Ortega?"  
"Well, I was referring to my odd dish, but I wouldn't mind that either."

His brows rose higher yet. He didn't smile, but neither did he become unpleasant. The room was empty now, except for the two of them.  
"All right."  
She hadn't been expecting an answer and yet had been waiting for one, seconds ticking by. Her hand was surprisingly steady as it plucked up a single bite and dipped it into the cinnamon left on her plate.  
"Open your mouth."  
"Not even cheap wine first?"  
She held the single popped corn kernel up to his lips. He studied her, and she waited impatiently, until he accepted.  
"That's not completely disgusting after all."  
She swallowed, jittery for some reason.  
"No, it's not...Severus."  
His name tasted strange to her, but not in a negative way.  
"Shouldn't you be getting to your class, Katia?"  
"I-yes, I should," she replied, steadying herself mentally, folding her napkin and laying it across her plate. She stood and waited for him to stand. It was weird for her, walking with the man that had at times been unpleasant at the very least, and somewhat kind at others. If she didn't know any better she might have thought he was tsundere around her.

"And when did you want your _lesson_ to occur?"  
"What?"  
He stopped and turned to her, almost frowning.  
"Pink Magic, Katia, think."  
"Oh," she said, startled. She began twisting a strand of hair nervously. "Well...Friday night? I'm not sure what exactly you're wanting to do or discuss in particular..."  
"All right. I've no detentions. Seven o'clock. Be there."  
"It's a date then." Her eyes widened at the same time his eyebrows rose again.  
"Oh shit," she exclaimed. "I mean-shoot-that's not what I meant...damn..."  
His eyes seemed suddenly to have turned as cold as the students whispered they were.  
"Of course you didn't mean that."  
He was walking away from her so fast that she remained blinking stupidly after him longer than necessary.

"Wait! Severus, please wait!" she called, dashing after him. She caught his arm at the top of the stairs. She wobbled precariously for a moment, and only his arms saved her from crashing down the entire flight. "I didn't mean-when I said I didn't mean...I'm stupid sometimes, all right? I meant I...just don't be cross with me, all right?"  
She didn't quite understand why it mattered if he was cross with her or not. She did know, however, that he was as inscrutable as ever, and touchy to the maximum, if not particularly angry any more.  
His arm slowly loosened and slid from around her. "Friday at seven, sharp. Don't be late, Katia."  
He continued down the stairs, and this time she elected not to follow him. She might have been slightly preoccupied with the fact that, though she had called him Professor Snape or Severus Snape when talking to people in general or Snape when talking to friends, she had never referred to him simply by "Severus", even when speaking with him. She had been unconsciously avoiding his name.

But apparently she had always been Katia to him.


	4. Shades of Midnight and Amaranth

**Chapter 4: Shades of Midnight and Amaranth  
**

Everyone calls himself a friend, but only a fool relies on it; nothing is commoner than the name, nothing rarer than the thing.  
Jean de La Fontaine

Katia's students were all waiting in the corridor outside of her classroom when she arrived. Cassidy Brome was the first to spot her. He stepped out of line, forcing her to look at him. He had bright muddy brown eyes and sloppy hair.  
"Are you all right, Professor?"  
"What? Oh, yes, quite fine. Just had a little loose footing on the steps..."  
Her class chuckled. She wasn't known for being a klutz and any Professor tripping or getting stuck was a spectacle to be observed.

She let them all in and began her lesson. When the bell rang and they filed out, she ran her fingers through her hair and wondered what exactly had happened that morning. They weren't _really_ friends, but on the other hand they weren't _really not friends._ Where did that leave them? She didn't really have that many friends, and as far as she knew, he had none, except maybe Albus.

By the end of the day she still wasn't sure why on earth they were having a Pink Magic session that Friday. She stretched and headed toward the Great Hall for dinner. As soon as she stepped through the door she looked across the room. The first of the students were trickling in but her coworkers were already seated, as always. And yet again, the only seat left was by his usual seat. He wasn't there. She struggled to contain the twinge of disappointment she felt.

Katia flashed a genuine smile at Albus when he looked her way. Inclining her head toward the seat beside of him, she waited expectantly for an answer. He made an indeterminate gesture, not taking his eyes off of her.  
"Late or not coming?" she questioned casually.  
"Either or," he replied. A twinkle appeared in his eye.  
"Breakfast may have been too much for him."  
Katia, to her extreme embarrassment, had to keep from blushing, instead digging her fingernails into the palm of her hand to keep calm. "And what do you mean by that, Albus."  
"Just that change is not his strong point," the older wizard replied evenly. "Give him time and he'll come around."  
By then her urge to blush had faded and her fingers uncurled painfully. "Time to come around for what?"  
He surveyed her with knowing eyes.  
"Just know, my dear, that with Severus, nothing is easy. Especially if it concerns admittance."

"You almost sound like you're giving a speech on-"  
Her eyes widened and his smiled at her epiphany.  
"Oh hell, you _are_, aren't you? You think that-Albus, please, surely-"  
"Good evening, Headmaster."  
Katia jumped a little, but concealed the action by reaching forward to serve herself.

Severus sat down beside her. "Katia."  
"Severus."  
Seemingly amused, Albus turned to Minerva. She knew he was still listening, though.  
"Tough day?" she asked as she speared her steamed vegetables with more force than necessary.  
"No more insufferable than usual," he supplied, eating in a saner manner.  
"If you hate it, why are you even here?"  
He snorted.  
"Well it's a valid question," she shot back as another broccoli lost its life to her fork. He spooned his soup contemplatively. She plowed on for him.  
"You love what you teach and you care for the students, but you despise something about them at the same time. The stupidity of youth, perhaps? Their carefree days and innocent naivety? Maybe you even envy them, for happiness. For family. But you don't really hate them. You just can't seem what you deem weak."  
He finally spoke, his voice coming out in a growl. "That's a lot to assume."  
She jumped onto another topic.  
"Do you believe in anything?" she asked softly  
He paused, as surprised at the topic as she was.  
"If there is someone then they must despise my wretched existence."  
"So you do, then. Because no one can be angry at someone they don't believe exists. Not even you."  
It grew quiet and Katia wondered vaguely if she was babbling.

She didn't know what made her do it, but suddenly she was thinking about Erikur.  
"My son..." she began without at first realizing.  
"You had a son?" he interrupted, surprise coloring his tone. She startled.  
"Yes; do you have any children?"  
"I should hope not."  
She was messing with her handkerchief, smoothing and folding it repeatedly.  
"I had a son...and a daughter...they were adopted, you see..."  
"So they weren't really yours," he cut in again. Shocked, her head snapped up to look at him. He stopped spooning soup long enough to meet her gaze. "Of course they were. You can make anything yours if you love it enough. Even if it doesn't love you, too. I loved my children. They were mine and no one else's."  
He didn't say anything for one long minute. Neither one of them looked away.  
"Not everything works out exactly by those rules," he said crisply. She sighed frustratedly.  
"I'm just trying to tell you that I loved them every bit as much as I would have if I was their biological mother. I was trying to explain that love doesn't follow any rules."  
"Doesn't it?" he snapped bitterly. "Not everything is a faerie tale."  
"Not everything is a nightmare, either," she shot back.  
"I don't have to listen to this."  
"Yes your bitter arse bloody does. Who else is going to speak to you?"  
She felt like a bitch as soon as she'd said the horrible words, but it rang cruelly true. He only had one friend and the rest of their colleagues were just that. They were friendly acquaintances and most of them were civil, if competitive when it came to Houses, but no one, it seemed, actually *tried getting any closer. And now, dammit, she had probably ruined what could have been a friendship.

She watched the hurt flash in his eyes and play across his face.  
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."  
He regarded her coldly. Katia felt panic seeping in when he refused to look at or speak to her. He hadn't touched his food since her outburst.

She was one of those people who used touch and gestures to convey messages. She always was like that, and she felt it went deeper than the closeness, friendliness and family values of her people. Underneath the table, she lightly touched the back of his hand. He tried to jerk away, but she curled her fingers around his anyway.

Katia didn't know what to do after that action. She was grasping his hand and they were barely even friends. Yet she felt compelled to keep him from bolting from the table. Then, suddenly, she did know why she was clinging to his presence.  
"Let me explain, please. I just meant that you needed to hear that...and if you'll let me, I'll be your friend, too. The truth is, I'm not on some crusade. I'm selfish. _I_ need _you_, all right? I need someone who's felt that pain and contemplated if it's all worth it. I need someone who *knows. If you won't leave me, I won't leave you. I probably won't leave anyway."

His hand stayed stiff in hers, but he had stopped fighting her. He was gazing silently out across the room deep in thought.  
"I don't know who you care about, but who cares about you?"  
"No one," Severus said in a monotone.  
"I do," Katia whispered. That made him look at her.  
_You're a liar_ his eyes seemed to scream. Was she? Did she care enough or was all of this pure selfishness?

She searched his face and he searched hers. No, she wasn't that selfish.  
"Hey there, new best friend," she said softly," I see you."  
He didn't smile. He didn't say another word all through dinner. He didn't pull his cold hand away, either.


	5. Dancing In The Rain

Chapter 5: Dancing In The Rain

_Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain_.

December rolled in and the castle grew colder. Filius had put up Christmas decorations as soon as he could. Katia was contemplating spending the holidays alone, turning the ring on her middle finger.  
"Why doesn't Columbine's Mistress do something with her friend?" Columbine squeaked as she tidied the room with her OCD tendencies. Katia sighed. It wasn't as if she hadn't thought about it, but she knew the answer.  
"He doesn't celebrate holidays."  
"But Miss Katia, you wouldn't have to get together just to celebrate any holiday. You could just have a friends' day so he is not all alone like always."

Katia slowly let her head rise. Columbine was gazing at her innocently, round eyes blinking.  
"I thought about that, too, but why would he want to leave and spend a day with me? Wouldn't it seem too much like-I dunno-a date?"  
"Only if you made it one."  
Katia nodded, slowly. She stood. "All right then, thank you, Columbine. I think I'll go see him."  
She gathered her cloak, scarf, hat, and gloves, pulled on her boots and traipsed down to the dungeons.

Katia hesitated outside of his quarters. Swimming with uncertainty, she knocked, softly at first, but louder after a few tries. His door swung open so abruptly that at first she almost knocked on him.  
_"What?"_ he snapped.  
"Katia," he greeted in a milder tone after he realized who had disturbed him.  
"Would you want to go to Hogsmeade?" she asked directly. He blinked and stared. Finally, he said,  
"I don't have time for silly dilly-dallying."  
He started to close the door but she caught it.  
"This isn't a game. I really want us to go to Hogsmeade. You know. Have...fun."

His eyebrows quirked. "And you think I have fun?" he growled sarcastically. "I don't need your pity."  
He tried closing the door again but she stayed wedged between the door and the frame.  
"If we're _friends_, why can't we have a day just for us like everyone else?"  
He paused, and she saw that she was making some headway in convincing him.  
"We have fun _together_, and I can't think of many people I'd rather spend the day with."  
He stared hard at her again.  
"All right."  
His cloak, gloves and scarf were Accioed and he stepped out into the hallway. His locks clicked and the wards flew into place.  
"Thank you," she said quietly when he turned around. He grunted and gestured for her to start walking. She hoped that day went well.

***

Severus Snape didn't know why he went with her. He wouldn't even have gone with Albus. Perhaps Lily if that Potter wasn't there. He cut his eyes at Katia while she was rubbing at hers. He frowned, noting that she was in need of more potions. It wasn't as if she were Lily. They were _quite_ different. That didn't mean he couldn't like her, maybe even lo-  
He shook his head fiercely. No. He couldn't love her. He looked at her again, and this time she caught him. She gave him that special smile that he hadn't seen her give anyone else. It gave him hope.

_Hope for what? _ the voice in his head sneered at him. He really didn't know. He didn't know if he could love her just yet. He wasn't sure if he could. But something told him he wanted to try. After all, who else had made him feel like a schoolboy after all of those years?

Severus registered with relief that she led him past the insufferable Madam Pudifoots.  
"Where are you taking me?" he asked. She glanced at him, flashing another warm, glowing expression.  
"Well, I thought we'd go to the bookstores of course, a dance hall and the little poet's loft, and we can go to Crumley's instead of the Hog's Head or The Three Broomsticks, just for a change. Then I have some things planned for that...err...may or may not be in Hogsmeade..."

If it was anyone else dragging him around, he would have stormed off immediately. The bell on the door tinkled when Katia pushed the door open. He peered interestedly at her selections. The squashy armchairs were utilized as they sifted through their horde.

The Poet's Loft wasn't all that terrible, although Katia had to lead him out by the sleeve of his robes because a few patrons tried flirting with her.

They paused outside of the doors of the dance hall, listening to the music drifting out. Those brown eyes he was beginning to see more often on his closed eyelids alighted on him again.  
"Can you dance?"  
He snorted. Could he, Severus Snape, dance? Of all of the parties Lucius had thrown over the years he had to be decent so he wouldn't seem foolish.

She seemed slightly relieved. A warm blast of air hit them once the heavy oak door was open and they were inside. All sorts of couples whirled by while less experienced parties practiced in the corner. Severus was somewhat regretting not dissenting on this part of the plan. They hung their cloaks and scarves up on the rack and chose a less crowded section of the floor.

"Why don't you pick one?"  
He regarded her carefully.  
"I don't really have a preference."  
"Well I'm not sure you would be comfortable or familiar with...my kind of dancing, so..."  
"Well perhaps we should leave."  
"Or..."  
She stepped closer and took one of his hands in hers, placing the other at her waist. "We could always be traditional," she suggested hesitantly.  
She let him lead.

He noted with satisfaction that she was steady on her feet. But why shouldn't she be? Their hands kissed in their clasp as they turned in sure patterns. After a while, Katia licked her lips and looked up. "Are you thirsty?"  
He stopped moving and released her hand.

The wind outside was a sweet caress after their exercise. Katia tugged on Severus' sleeve to guide him toward Crumley's. It was more refined than The Three Broomsticks.  
"So..."  
"So?" he repeated as he polished his utensils.  
"Nothing, Severus," she said quietly, sipping her tea.

***

Katia's mouth was cotton dry after the forty or so minutes she was lost in his arms. Her heart beat frantically. She'd taken as much as she could before she had to remove herself. Now she sat in front of him rather nervously. It struck her as odd that he had become seemingly possessive when those men had flirted with her. When the waiter came then and flirted with her, too, she squeezed her eyes tightly shut in silent prayer. As soon as they were finished she threw down payment and hurried them out before murder was committed.

Katia apparated them to a rose garden known for the geometric labyrinth the plants were grown in alongside glittering tiles.  
"Moonlace Faeries come out about now. It's the only time the ones who use fire and the ones who use water mate."  
"You brought me to watch Faeries copulate?" Severus sniffed.  
"No. I brought you to see the garden at night and to see their dances. They mate in private just before dawn."  
She saw how he seemed almost awkward so she touched his hand and said, "Why don't we go back to Hogwarts?"  
He looked down his nose at her. "That might be best."

Nodding, she stepped with him into the air. They were right outside of the gates when they arrived. The stars were shining through the twilight. Severus started to head for the front doors. Katia wrapped her fingers around his wrist.  
"Walk with me before you go."  
His questioning eyes raked over her.  
"Please," she persisted. His eyes searched hers. Wordlessly, they turned toward Black Lake. More snow was falling, alighting on their dark hair and clothing like bright jewels.  
"Thank you for this. I couldn't have had a better day."

Her heart beat faster as he remained silent in the white silence blanketing them. She stole a glance at him. His eyes were trained straight ahead. She exhaled and stopped underneath a tree facing the lake. A solitary tentacle of the Giant Squid waved lazily underneath the frosty pane and poked through a slushy region.

He stopped at her side. Their breath billowed around them in faint clouds. She blinked the snowflakes off of her eyelashes and turned to him. He seemed the most distant she'd seen him be in a while.  
"Severus..."  
He blinked and turned to her, and she saw uncomfortably that his eyes were moist with unshed tears. Neither one of them spoke. He moved to wipe them away angrily in quick, shame filled strokes.  
"Severus, let me-"  
He pushed her away. He was angry that somehow she had made him love her, if only a little. He was mortified that she had seen his tears. He agonized over his obvious friend zone. He was only crying, however, because he hadn't realized he was as he mulled over her friendship. He hadn't wanted it. Hell, he hadn't wanted her. All he'd ever wanted was Lily. Katia had cheated, worked and wormed and weaseled her way into his heart so that two desperate, lonely, bitter people clung to each other for support in a rocky friendship that was highly improbable. Now he didn't know what he would do without her, and maybe it was more than a little that he loved her. But she made him feel like he was fifteen again and their time together was a "friend day" and not the damn date he had been waiting for.

The burning, ruined man he was turned from her and glared at all of the sickening beauty and everything he couldn't have.

Katia slowly approached the man who hated for anyone to see him vulnerable, especially her. She stood in front of him and tried to see into his eyes.  
"Tell me what's bothering you."  
"It doesn't matter in the slightest," he hissed.  
"Yes it does," she pressed gently, trying to read him.  
"Something is making you hurt so badly, and dammit Severus, I need to know. Not because of some sense of charity or self-fulfillment. I care about you. I lo-"  
She broke off, eyes wide, as she realized what she had been about to say. Outwardly, he showed nothing. He couldn't even muster a sneer as numbness spread, a paralyzing numbness. She stepped back. "I should go..."

She began to walk away when the realization hit her. Slowly, she walked back to him. Her hand shook as she touched his face. His first instinct screamed at him to flinch away, especially when she wrapped her arms around him in a careful embrace. She reached up to kiss away the last of his tears and his forehead, and then she reluctantly pulled away.  
"Good night, Severus," she whispered quietly, brushing her hair away from her face and hugging herself as she moved away from him into the night.

Severus Snape was utterly speechless. He hated the muteness that kept him from calling out to her, or the numbness that kept his arms from finding her again. He cursed himself. He did love her.


	6. Love and Lies

**Chapter 6: Love and Lies**

Maybe it was true what the Seelie Queen has said, after all: Love made you a liar.

- Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

Things had been different in the few weeks that followed their "friend day", and Katia and Severus were still skittering around each other without saying much. Even when they sat beside each other words were few and far between so that they ate in their offices more often than not.

It was by chance that they happened upon each other in the hallway. Their shoulders brushed and Katia looked up to see who she'd touched.

"Err, Severus," she said uncomfortably.

"Katia," he replied briskly. They avoided each other's eyes as the crowd surge around them.

"Your robes..."

"Yes?" he pressed.

"They're-uh-," she floundered, feeling flustered "very black today."

"And your hair is...nice."

She ducked her head.

"Well, see you later."

"Of course."

They parted in haste, heading as swiftly as they could toward their respective classrooms. Similar occurrences had them avoiding contact. Thursday she was forced to go to the Potions classroom during second period. The entire class glanced up curiously when she entered. She could feel them listening and staring as she swept towards the front. She swore to herself, thinking she should have sent one of the bloody fourth years. But of course they were all too terrified to complete the simple errand.

"I was wondering if you had some Parsley to spare."

"Top shelf to the left, farthest corner," he directed without looking up from his paperwork. She nodded her head in thanks.

The Parsley was right where he had said it would be. She took only as much as she needed for the lesson. When she stepped out he was making his rounds.

"Thank you," she said. He finally looked her way, giving her a curt nod.

"Err...your hair looks...luscious."

As soon as she said it she felt like an idiot.

He stood stock still. Severus slowly closed his eyes as if waiting for the shit to hit the fan. The entire room had fallen silent. Hands were frozen as people waited for something to happen.

"As...does yours."

There were a few titters silenced by his glare. When he glanced up, she was gone and the Weasleys were grinning like Cheshire cats.

There were snickers.

_"Seeeeeeeveruuuus,"_ Fred Weasley cooed.

"Your hair looks _luscious_."

"Fifty points from Gryffindor! _Each_!"

"Don't be sore Snappey-poo," George said in mock sorrow.

"WEASLEY!"

The tipping point came when they passed each other in an empty corridor without a second glance. Katia doubled back, freeing her wand. A quick flick established an earthen chest high barrier.

"Katia, I don't have the time to-"

"No, you're talking to me. We're talking, and we're going to do it now."

He whirled around, eyes blazing and fists clenched his wand out as well.

"What, Katia, what do you want with me? Because I can assure you I'm not to be toyed with or taken lightly."

"Why haven't you spoken to me yourself-absorbed bastard? Why won't you talk to me?" she shouted angrily, hoping he had thrown up a _Muffliato_.

"I'm the self-absorbed one when you only petted me up, and for what?"

"You didn't say anything when I almost told you I loved you!" she thundered.

"Well maybe I don't," he hissed. "Did you ever stop to think of that or did you arrogantly assume-"

She pushed him in the chest striking out at him. They had somehow steadily drawn closer during the entire shouting match. He grabbed her in one swift motion, fingers curling around her upper arms and gripping them tightly. Her fingers were splayed against the black fabric of his robes.

She seemed startled, and when she looked up at his face, she saw that he was as well. They were drawn so close their breath met in the middle. Neither one of them could move.

"Do your really love me?" he whispered dangerously, boring his eyes into hers. "Do you even know who I really am?"

Katia was confused and outraged. "Of course I do!"

He shook her a little, but not enough to hurt her.

"No you don't. You don't know anything!" he whispered harshly.

"Then tell me," she said in exasperation.

"I'm surprised dear Albus hasn't already."

"I'm sure he assumed you would tell someone when you were ready."

She squirmed, trying to pull out of his grasp.

"It's not as if you were a Death Eater."

His fervor seemed to abate with some sense of tension release or relief, some grim satisfaction that made him deflate. Horror crept in on her. She stood still, even when he released her.

"Everything isn't so simple anymore, is it, Katia?" he asked viscously. Her chin trembled and a single tear slid down her cheek.

"You were one of them? But how, Severus? You're not like that. Not at all."

"Aren't I?" he sneered.

"You're lying."

His eyes roved over her face carefully. "No, but you are. To yourself."

He swept away, leaving her wondering just how much she thought she loved him, or how much she could if he had been one of the people she hated so much for what they had taken from her. She slid down her crumbling earth wall and wept, right in front of two people that had witnessed the entire affair from the other side as they walked down the corridor.

The glass jar flew at the wall, shattering on impact and spewing the preserved rat spleens in all directions. The debris landed among previous shards and wasted ingredients. Severus was furious as he strode around his office. He felt foolish. She loved him, or at least she had loved him. She probably hated him at that moment. He wrenched his sleeve up, scowling at the Mark lying dormant on his flesh, a reminder of his folly. She had needed to know.

He felt like an abomination and a traitor again when he recalled the crushed look in her brown eyes and on her face. Why hadn't he told her by now, damn him, he thought bitterly? Why hadn't he spoken to her or said anything to her interrupted proclamation? He decided it didn't matter. It was for the best since he obviously liked or loved her more than her own good.

It brought it all back. The acrid odor of the smoke filling her nostrils and the dirt crammed under her shell pink nails, staining them black; the metallic tang of the adrenaline saturating her mouth and making her tongue bitter, and the blood, so much blood that the world was crimson and vermilion...then there they were, on those tables, cold and dead...

It took Katia a moment to realize that someone was speaking to her softly. At first she thought it was Severus, and she shifted to tell him to go away. When she lifted her head, though, she was confronted with two sympathetic pairs of eyes, one blue and the other brown, having lost their usual twinkle and sternness respectively.

"Minerva, would you mind going to tell Severus to meet me in my office?" Dumbledore requested quietly.

"Of course not, Albus," she sniffed, stalking off. He kneeled down beside Katia and extended a soothing hand toward her shoulder. When she didn't flinch, he sighed and wiped her tears before smoothing her hair out of her face; it was damp where her tears had soaked it.

Everything he seemed to say at that moment came out gently, softly.

"I see there has been a great blunder on my part. _Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa._"

"It's not your fault, Albus. You didn't choose them. He chose them and they killed my family!"

"He is not the one that betrayed you, Katia," Albus assured her.

"The moment he took that Mark he damned himself from my sight," she spat. Albus sighed.

"After you left, Katia, and became a recluse, so isolated from our world that you neither read our papers nor had any magical interpersonal relations beside your godson and your siblings, Severus was indeed a Death Eater."

She sobbed, but he put his hand up to continue.

"He came to me and became our spy. The trial was plastered across the front page for weeks on end, although I assume your family didn't dare mention Death Eaters or the Ministry, or even the Order. When you withdrew from our society, you withdrew from all knowledge of it. Now, knowing this, I want you to make up your mind. There's more to every story, Katia. Go ask him about everything when you're ready. I'll be in my office."

Katia was left alone again to wonder what tartuffery was scripted to her name.

"You shouldn't have told her that way, Severus," Albus said wearily. He was by the window in his office looking out.

"Do you realize what you've done to her? To yourself? I know how you feel about her-"

"You know nothing." Severus stood angrily. Albus turned from the window.

"I know that you love her when you don't want to, Severus. You want to cling onto Lily's memory with some sense that your loyalty never wavered. Lily, Lily Evans Potter, is gone, Severus. You protect her son. You don't want to live and neither does Katia. Well you have to learn that it is essential. And a part of living is love. If you're only going to sit around like fools, then be my guest. You deserve it if you're only going to poison your potential. You never did take more, Severus. It's time for you to stop settling for less."

Severus turned his back on Dumbledore, who gazed at him sadly. "You need to talk. She needs to know what happened. She has a right to the whole truth, not just what's convenient enough to push her away for some self-righteous agenda...or for a memory."

Still Severus said nothing. He appeared mutinous.

"You know, someone once said that ' Memory is a complicated thing, a relative to truth, but not its twin.' Barbara Kingsolver, I believe. Perhaps you'll listen to her, if not to me."

Severus knew he was dismissed then. He left Albus to have a chat with the Portraits.

"What the actual fuck?" Katia hissed. She was in an empty classroom where she had decided all of her Nation friends and family should meet.

"But-but Katia," Feliciano whined, "Why are you so mad?"

"Because you bloody lied to me!"

Iggy looked angry. Cecilia and Rose looked her square on and Romano looked guilty. Italy was already dissolving into tears.

"I thought I was doing the right thing! Please don't kick my ass little sister."

"I'm not your real sister! She is!" she thundered, pointing at CeCe and ultimately causing him to break down.

"You have no right to speak to him like that," Cecilia whispered quietly. "We made the decision."

She gestured between Rose, Romano, Roro and herself.

"If you're going to yell at someone, it should be us," Rose said. "And Evie."

"We're sorry you're hurt, Katia," Roro said.

"I just wanted to be a fucking good big brother to our sorellina, better than I have been. Too bad I didn't get the damn family relations memo," Romano growled.

"We didn't tell Fabio much, either, so don't be pissed at him," Rose instructed sternly.

"Well, I hope you're _happy_," Katia snapped bitterly. She tore down the wards viciously and stormed out of the room.

"She's doing it again," Rose frowned.

"What?" Roro questioned confusedly.

"Acting like him," Cecilia supplied.

"So what should I do?" Katia shot at Columbine. Soon after her "talk" (temper tantrum) she had returned to her room to rant to the helpful creature. Columbine pulled on one of her floppy ears and picked at a spot on her bony knee.

"Columbine?"

Her head shot up. "Yes Miss?" she squeaked. Katia stopped pacing. "Have you been listening?"

Columbine hopped up indignantly.

"Of course Columbine has been listening."

She twisted at her little dress for a moment longer. She looked at Katia nervously.

"Well, Columbine was thinking that perhaps her mistress should-"

"Yes?" Katia interrupted sharply, making Columbine flinch.

"Columbine thinks that maybe you should go talk to him since her mistress was very close to him. Columbine knows that there are secrets and that if it would make her Mistress truly happy, she should try."

Katia huffed in frustration. "Not you too! Well, at least it's only you and Albus."

"But Mistress Katia, you love him!"

"How would you know what I feel!" she screamed, doing something that hadn't happened to her for decades: she made something explode. The flower vase on the mantel burst.

"Dammit!" she screamed. She scrambled to get her emotions in check. She knew she was acting infantile. Mature witches and wizards didn't break things or make them implode. They had complete control.

She pulled at her own hair and sat in the middle of the floor.

"Just do what feels right," Columbine shrilled. Katia looked up at the small creature from underneath her hair.

"Then I guess I need to have a talk with a former Death Eater," she sighed.


End file.
